I previously shared that I experienced childhood sexual abuse in one of my previous blog posts and spent a couple of years in counseling trying to heal from such a traumatic event. There were so many layers involved. I committed to doing the hard work because I finally realized I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I entered the doors with a heavy wounded heart and after several sessions, I left feeling as if a load was lifted. No, it didn't happen overnight. There are times I still struggle with self-worth. The difference is now when it surfaces, I stop the downward spiral of unworthiness and remind myself of the truth. The truth is that I am worthy to be loved, and I do not have to meet certain criteria to be loved. I deserve to be loved and should expect nothing less.
I had to answer three questions.
1. To whom did I give control in determining my self-worth?
2. Why did I give the person control?
3. Did I believe I was worth loving?
When I first started counseling, I was wounded and had to continue working through so many issues. I came to realize that I gave my abuser control over determining my self-worth because (answer to question #1) I blamed myself (answer to question #2), and I had to admit I didn't think I was worthy due to the shame and guilt I carried with me (answer to question #3). What I found is that until my heart and mind aligned with the truth that I did nothing to cause it and was freed of shame and guilt, I continued to put myself in situations to be treated as if I didn't deserve love. Yep, the cycle continued until I discovered the truth.
Yes, it was hard work. I left crying at times, but I never lost hope that doing the hard work would pay off eventually. Guess what? It did! I know despite my flaws, I also have great qualities and I deserve to be loved. I’m enough!
I'm not sure what you've gone through in life or what you’re going through. However, I do know it's never too late to ask yourself the same questions and start your journey toward healing.
Who have you given control to when determining your self-worth? Did you give power to your mom or dad? Maybe it was the bully in school who hurt you every time he or she called you a mean name? Did your spouse walking out on you create such a wound you now think that no one will ever love you? Why did you give that person so much control? Is there a deeper wound you need to address? Is it because of a mistake you made earlier in life, and you think you're not worth loving? Maybe, it's not a person. You define your worth by the car you drive, if you're married or single, your weight, or your title at work.
Until we accept responsibility for defining our worth and learn to love ourselves, we will continue to chase approval from people, status, and material things. We will spend time trying to control situations and individuals instead of living a life being who God created us to be and giving genuine love to others.
My prayer for us this week is that we answer the tough questions, do the work required to make positive change, live, and love ourselves and others.
